Tag Archives: motherhood

Juggling Act

Leave a reply

Juggling Act

Things have been NUTS around here lately…good nuts, but nuts nonetheless.
My kids have birthday parties to attend every weekend (We refer to October-November as the birthday gauntlet…9 months after Valentines Day…go figure ;-)); my at home business is BOOMING; I’m drowning in laundry, housekeeping, blogging, Christmas shopping, church, cooking (ok, so we’ve been microwaving…a lot); I’m struggling to make time for family; and looming over me are the tasks of maintaining professional certifications and working on new ones. Whew! I’ll admit, I’ve felt the need to spike my hot coco on more than one occasion.
They say that we must find balance in life, but how in the heck am I supposed to balance all that is required of me and what does balance really look like?

“The ingredients of both darkness and light are equally present in all of us,…The madness of this planet is largely a result of the human being’s difficulty in coming to viruous balance with himself. ”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding

Well, here’s my two cents on the matter…
Balance in life (and especially in motherhood) should look like a juggling act.

Juggling is a physical skill involving the manipulation of objects for recreation, entertainment or sport [or survival in our case]…Juggling can be the manipulation of one object or many objects at the same time, using one or many hands…-Wikipedia

This mom seems to have a great grasp on the concept 😉

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-ioJuBy58U

We must juggle family, relationships, obligations, and fun. At no point will we be able to devote equal attention across the board. Rather, at any given moment, one aspect will take priority while the others get shuffled around beneath our line of site (on autopilot). Sometimes, we may have 2 or 3 things balancing in mid air, but they won’t stay there and our only hope is that we don’t “drop the ball” and allow everything to come crashing down.

“What goes up must come down.” -Isaac Newton

These tips for performance jugglers can easily apply to “parenthood jugglers”:

  • Relax, and keep practicing.  Take time for yourself, read a book, meet with other moms, learn something new.
  • Take your time. Don’t throw the second ball until the first one peaks. Try not to take on too much at once. Limit kids activities so you still have time to connect as a family. 
  • Let the balls come to you. Don’t reach up to catch them. I LOVE this one! Sometimes we are so worried about the next thing on our to-do list that we lose site of the task at hand…guilty *hand raised*
  • Watch the point where the balls peak. This is the moment when the majority of your attention will be focused on a single task (it’s ok, I promise). This focus may last 5 minutes or a few days, but it’s worth it and will help you feel a sense of accomplishment. This is also where most mamas, including myself, feel the most off balance…and guilt.
  • Concentrate on keeping the throws close to you. Prioritize your family and keep them close.
  • Try starting with the other hand for a while. If you have a partner, ask them to take over a few tasks when you get overwhelmed.
  • Juggling is 70% mental and 30% physical. Plan, Strategize, Organize, Implement.
  • Pretend as if your hands don’t exist. Juggling becomes instinctive as you become skilled at the art form. Follow your instincts. Don’t over think and follow your heart.

Piece of cake, right 😉

So what happens when we lose our rhythm and must start over?

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
― Albert Einstein

“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.”
― Salvador Dalí

Simply stop, pick up the pieces, dust ourselves off, and start again. We all make mistakes. What’s important is that we recognize our short comings and learn from them. A child that watches a parent own up to their own flaws will learn to accept themselves and others.

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” ― Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

 “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” ― L.M. Montgomery

“Well, we all make mistakes, dear, so just put it behind you. We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

What tasks are you currently juggling?

 

 

 

 

Embracing My Inner Monica

Leave a reply

Ever have one of those days (weeks, months) where you can’t seem to catch up with where you’re supposed to be…chasing your own tail of sorts.

On days like those, parenting can be even harder. Let’s face it…what’s the REAL reason you are so far behind? YOU weren’t the one who needed an hour to eat half of a bowl of oatmeal. It’s not YOUR fault that the baby chose to blow out his diaper just as you’re headed out the door. The endless laundry isn’t even yours since you’ve been wearing the same peanut butter crusted shirt since Tuesday!

It seems that no matter how early or late we get started, the result is always the same…I am behind. I’m behind with laundry, I’m behind with cleaning, I haven’t caught up with friends in weeks, I can’t remember the last time I exercised, we’re always late getting places, I’m behind on planning for birthday’s and holidays…and “Thank You” notes have become a thing of the past.

So what’s the solution? No, really, I’m asking you…because I have no idea! What am I going to do when they start school? I swear all three of us will end up in detention for chronic tardiness.

I try to slow down so we can all enjoy the simple stuff and to be honest we just don’t plan many activities because I simply can’t handle the pressure.

I find myself saying “Hurry up, we’re going to miss ______!” (and kick myself for it every time). We ALL know that the phrase “Hurry up!” only makes children move slower…and what’s the point. We’ll still get to wherever it is we need to go and complete whatever task needs to be completed…eventually.

So why can’t I make myself stop stressing about getting things done and getting out the door?

Then there’s my drive to be Supermom…I know, I posted on this before…we’re all Supermom‘s in our own way, and I still believe that to be true…but I can’t help wanting to be the BEST at ALL of it!

I want to make and bake every cute and healthy thing I pin on Pintrest. I want my kids to actually eat the healthy stuff I make. I want to do educational activities with them everyday. I want to cuddle, snuggle, and giggle during every rainstorm. I want to be the BEST mom in the world…no, seriously…I want to win awards and trophies and stuff for my awesome efforts.

I wasn’t always this way. Something about having kids has brought out my inner “Monica”. I was more of a “Rachel” before kids. I was spoiled, messy, unorganized, and maybe a little self-centered. Now, I want things done a certain way and I want them done yesterday (Thankfully, I married a Chandler who continues to put up with me). Perhaps it’s because I’ve had to learn to adapt in entirely new ways as a differently-abled mom, but I suspect that I am not alone in my struggles and that many able-bodied mamas are experiencing a similar phenomenon.

For those of you who are not familiar with Friends (the greatest series to ever grace the TV screen) here’s how Wikipedia describes Monica:https://www.adaptivemom.net/embrassing-my-inner-monica/

“Neat Freak” Monica is comically obsessive about her apartment and loves cleaning (describing the dry cleaner as her Disneyland). This personality trait becomes exaggerated as the series progresses. Example of her maniac cleanliness are labeling cups, having sorted towels into eleven different categories (four mentioned being “everyday use”, “fancy”, “guest”, and “fancy guest”), and describing her new workplace as being “not just Health Department clean, but Monica clean.” She is also extremely territorial when it comes to cleaning, as shown when Chandler announced he’d hired a maid, and Monica snapped that she hoped he meant “mistress.”

Monica is highly competitive, allegedly throwing a plate in a fit of rage during a game of Pictionary. Also, during a game of Mad Libs, Monica dismissed Phoebe’s repetitive answers, claiming “rules help control the fun!”, causing everyone else to leave.

While I’m not that bad yet, I can certainly sympathize with a lot of the above.

Ever wonder why the series ended with Monica and Chandler adopting twins? Well the answer is simple, watching the character of Monica adapt to motherhood would not have been pretty. Seriously, after the first few weeks she would have been curled up in a corner chanting nonsense.

I wonder how I would have survived as a mom without my Monica tendencies. I know each new obsessive habit has evolved for a purpose. Without them, I may not ever make it out of the house in on piece, fully clothed, and mostly clean. I might not be able to accept the mama superpowers that I do indeed posses. You might possibly find ME curled up in a corner and chanting nonsense!

I have learned to embrace my inner Monica. Yes, I am what many might consider nuts from time to time, but I am also a functioning mother of 2. I am obsessive compulsive…about my kids…and I am an award winning mother in their eyes. What else matters?

If you were a TV character, who would you be? Has parenthood changed who you most identify with?

 

 

Thank You For Sleepless Nights

Leave a reply

20130920-220746.jpg

The other night my son fell asleep while nursing in my lap at his normal time. I followed suit a few hours later, about 11:00pm, with the help of my hubby who gently attempted to transfer my lil Bulldog from my lap, to his chest, and finally to his sidecar crib. Only this night was different. Lil Bulldog was restless and stirred at every attempt at “hug and roll” (sorry for the Friends reference).

By the time I brushed my teeth and crawled into bed, he was all but awake. I nursed, sang, nursed, patted, and nursed while he fussed, climbed, and bit me!

Eventually, my husband gave it a go. He bounced, walked, and rocked for an hour, but to no avail.
I felt my temper rising as he, exhausted, climbed back into bed and passed Lil Bulldog back to me. I again nursed, patted, and sang through gritted teeth while he climbed over my head sticking his toe in my ear and pulling my hair.

Around 1 am, I snapped. I got out of bed and locked myself in the bathroom, telling myself “He’s only one. He wants to play. He doesn’t mean to enrage every cell in my sleep deprived body.” I counted to 10 and resolved to just give up on sleeping and let him play.

I abandoned my bathroom safe-haven and took my lil Bulldog to the living room to “play it out”.

As we played in the peaceful moonlit room, I realized that this was the 1st time I could remember playing one on one with my son (a heartbreaking moment that provided me with resolve and energy to survive the next few hours). There are so many distractions during the daylight hours…cooking, cleaning, breastfeeding, phone calls, email, breastfeeding, dance class, tea parties, tv, breastfeeding, blogging, jealous sister tantrums, errands, appointments, Facebook, breastfeeding, laundry, Candy Crush Saga…breastfeeding.

Sure, we get a lot of quality time together nursing, but there is a difference between snuggle giggles and “look what it can do!” giggles.

In the moonlight, my son had 100% of my attention. We played ball, trucks, swords, race around the sofa, and roaring tigers. Was I tired? Yes, but I am grateful for our playtime and for my realization.

As I finally nursed him to sleep around 3 am, I kissed his sweet little forehead and promised to remember and cherish our night of play.

A piece of that night still sticks with me and whispers in my ear to steal those rare moments with both of my kids. It’s not easy. I’m exhausted, but very few mama deaths are attributed to lack of sleep (admissions to the looney bin are a different story). I try to remember that these moments are fleeting and someday my sleepless nights will be due to giggling sleepovers and waiting for my kids to sneak in after curfew. I want to soak up as much moonlight as I can while they are still small…and that gives me the will to push through my haze…that and coffee, lots of coffee!

So thank you my sweet lil Bulldog for the sleepless nights and for reminding me how precious our time really is. I love you.

How do you keep yourself going when motherhood burns your candle at both ends?

20130920-220757.jpg

A Mama’s Evolution

Leave a reply

20130828-132832.jpg

A MAMA’S EVOLUTION

In my youth, I loved to play in the dirt.
I wasn’t one to fuss with a dress or skirt.
I’d rather play pirates and climb big trees.
I beamed with pride when I skinned my knees.

I fell in love with the boy next door.
With my best friend, life is never a bore.
We settled down after a few years of fun.
Little did we know, the “fun” had just begun.

I traded my truck for a minivan
and our little family of four began.
We no longer watch football while sipping booze.
We now hush and smile as our babies snooze.

Today I wear the occasional dress
and sometimes cry when my house is a mess.
I’ve made new friends who giggle and play.
We squeel and sing the boogieman away.

We play in the dirt and climb big trees.
There’s often tears when we skin our knees.
My new friends sleep over every single night
and I’ll gladly trade rest for a pillow fight.

I’m still the same tomboy, I’ll never outgrow.
My minivan has all wheel drive, ya know!
I may have new gear and all new rules,
but this tomboy wears the most precious of jewels.

 How has motherhood changed you?

How I Adapted to Being a SAHM

Leave a reply

This is the true story of how I became a stay at home mom (SAHM).

When I discovered I was pregnant with our 1st child I was working full-time as a part-time and fill in Speech Pathologist. Confusing, right? Basically, I worked 2 days a week for one company and occupied the rest of my days covering for sick leave, vacations, maternity, etc. for another company. My health insurance was covered by my husband’s job so I was free to make my own schedule and the pay was excellent. It was a dream set up! I worked in a variety of settings with a variety of patients and my days were never boring. I was EXCITED to get up and go to work each day. No REALLY, I loved my job!

I continued to work for most of my pregnancy (often retreating to my car to upchuck). Everyone was very understanding and accommodating. My plan was to work as much as possible for as long as possible to build up a good cushion in the bank for my planned 6 week leave after baby arrived…remember the “perk” I mentioned above about being on my hubby’s benefits…that meant no paid leave for yours truly.

Around the 7 month mark my body had had enough. I was beginning to depend on a cane for balance and a wheelchair for long distances…it was time to begin my leave.

I missed my coworkers, my patients, and the joy of helping others. I couldn’t wait to get back to work…

Then my daughter arrived…

When my 6 week “deadline” arrived, I was not ready to leave my baby girl…so I stayed home another few weeks. Things were slow at my part-time gig so I decided to return there first. I had family willing to step up for childcare, so that was a bit of stress I was able to avoid.

My new return day came and off I went, breast pump in hand, back to work. It was good to be back in the “real world” for a few hours…

…I was miserable. I was torn between guilt for leaving my baby and the duty of being a strong role model for her and contributing to the household income. Mix in feelings of responsibility to my patients and for their well being…and…well…I was a disaster…or just a normal hormonal new mom returning to work…

I ended up making a bit of a compromise by transferring to an office closer to home with the the higher paying of the 2 companies and agreeing to work no more than 2-3 days per week. It was still a pay cut, but we adjusted our household budget and were able to still live comfortably.

However, remember how I mentioned above that I was “excited” to go to work each day…well, I had lost that loving feeling, woh-o that loooving feeeeling…now it’s gone, gone, gone woh-o-woh-o-oh

Two years later I found out that I was pregnant with our second. This time, we decided we’d figure out a way to make it primarily on my husband’s income.

We moved to a house in need of less upkeep, got a better mortgage, and I began working from home in direct sales.

The transition from being a “work outside the home mom” to a “network marketing SAHM” was not as easy as I anticipated. However, I decided to choose a company that promoted healthy living so I could feel like I was still perusing my original mission of taking care of people, there was just a lot less paperwork. 😉

The 1st company I chose to work with paid well, but ended up not being as “healthy” as they claimed to be. After a bit of research into their ingredients and my son’s allergic reaction to my breastmilk when I consumed the “safe” products…I resigned.

I was ready to give up on the idea of promoting with a direct sales company all together. And that’s ok. I learned a lot. In the end, it was important to me to promote for a company that shared my values and desire to educate and help others.

Fast forward a few weeks…

As many of you know, my son suffers with severe eczema and an allergy to dairy. A family member introduced me to the Essante Organics line of organic baby products and dairy and soy free organic protein shakes. I tried the products and quickly became a lifelong fan.

I couldn’t wait to try the entire catalog! When I found out Essante was a direct sales company it was a no brainer and I was back in the game.

Our home is now filled with Essante products…stuff for the kids, skin care, nutrition, alkalizing products, essential oils. I really had no idea how many products I had and used every day until I made to video below. I guess Essante is just so integrated into our lives now that it’s just become part of our routine. This was a huge revelation for me as I always feel like our journey to live an organic lifestyle is moving so slowly. I guess we’ve made it a lot further than I thought!

Another thing I love about Essante is that, as a company, we strive to educate others about living a healthy and organic lifestyle 1st. Emphasis on promoting products comes second.

Essante inspired me to follow through with my 4 year dream of bringing this blog to life and provided me with the tools and knowledge to make it successful. Our emphasis on education drove me to obtain my certification as a Lactation Counselor (CLC) (What’s more organic than breastmilk, right?). Essante has given this workaholic SAHM an outlet to help and inspire others while earning a paycheck.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me as a Speech Pathologist or CLC, but for now I have recaptured my excitement to “go to work” each morning as a mom, a blogger, and an Essante executive.

What gets you out of bed each morning?

If you would like more information about Essante, please leave me a comment below or visit www.EssanteMama.com.

Essante Organics

Don’t Lose Your Marbles!

Leave a reply

I keep a copy of “Song for a Fifth Child” saved to my phone for times when I feel overwhelmed by parenthood.

 

Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.

-by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

There’s just something so pardoning about those lines. After all, babies are only babies for a short time and it’s ok if the house gets a little dusty or if I have to resort to paper plates from time to time.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”– Ferris Bueller

Birthday parties, dance classes, running errands, family vacations, school events… When do we have time to enjoy the memories we work so desperately to create?

My husband likes to refer to the special moments as “marbles”. Every marble is uniquely different, sometimes they can be difficult to hold onto, and eventually as we age, many of us will lose our marbles (pun intended).

So…  How do we hold onto our “marbles”?

In my work as a speech pathologist, I spent a lot of time helping patients retrieve the important “marbles” in their lives. Often a very simple and basic scrapbook would enable a patient to retrieve a long lost story. For some, a simple song sung in younger years would bring back a flood of memories. And still, for others, the smell and or taste of a comfort food would retrieve one of those long lost marbles.

We just need to choose the right marbles. Remember that it’s the simple things that matter. The lullabies, the midnight feedings, and the lazy Saturday mornings; these are the moments that we will miss most. If we spend all our time focusing on the big events,  many of the smaller marbles might fall and roll under the table to be lost forever.

A Few of My Marbles

As a mom, it’s always a daunting task to balance tea parties, breastfeeding, diapers, cooking, housekeeping, and laundry, all while maintaining my sanity.

As an adaptive mom, those everyday tasks can take twice as long, with my endurance sometimes giving out long before the job is complete. Sometimes a chore may be just outside of my ability and I have to ask for help.

I continually adapt my priorities to allow myself to just enjoy the moment…even if that moment is filled with clutter, covered in poop, and hasn’t showered in a week. These are the moments I will cherish.

What moments do you cherish most?

Happy Mother’s Day…and don’t lose your marbles!

The magic of a tea party

Leave a reply

If you are blessed to have a daughter, never take for granted the magic of a tea party.

While I was pregnant with our second child, the pregnancy took such a toll on my body that I chose to resign from my job and become a full-time stay at home mom to our then 2 year old daughter. My husband and I had already planned to become a single income family once our son arrived, but my tough pregnancy sped things up a bit.

I’d hoped that this was going to be the perfect opportunity for me to enjoy the last months of our daughter’s “only child-hood”. I was preparing her to become a big sister, an experience as unfamiliar to me, an only child, as it was to her. I dreamed of tea parties, baking together, trips to the park and pool, dancing in the living room, and lots of arts and crafts. Instead, I uncomfortably settled into my glider and propped my huge puffy feet on my footstool for 3 months. The best I was able to offer for mommy daughter time was climbing into bed with her for naps. Unfortunately, these “naps” often consisted of me dozing off while she jumped and climbed all over me until she either got bored and fell asleep OR left the room and found trouble in another part of the house….but that’s another post all together.

My inability to interact with my daughter on her level, really took a toll on our relationship. She had always been a Daddy’s girl, but during that last trimester I felt lucky if she acknowledged my existence when my husband, a much preferred option, was available.

After our son was born…and I recovered…and I got a bit of rest…and we established a breastfeeding routine…and all the other challenges one must face with a new baby…my daughter and I were still having difficulty finding our bond again.

I had researched dozens of ways to best utilize spare moments with a new older sibling to help her feel connected and appreciated. As many of you know, even the best laid plans often fail with an active and independent preschooler…so I had to adapt.

One day it finally happened, I stopped planning (a difficult task for this type A mom) and started letting her lead. It was as simple as attending a tea party…literally. As we sat and sipped on our delicious invisible tea and crunched on our plastic tea cakes, all wrongs were slowly righted.

My son is now 7 months old and my daughter and I are closer than ever. In fact, she is snuggling with me on the couch as I write this. Maybe we’ll move from tea parties to blogging together someday. 😉

 

20130404-105947.jpg